Sunday, February 05, 2006

You're In the Pepsi Generation!

I knew it.

Nectar of the gods.

They used it to "force" fluids!

It was good for you.

JAMA said so in 1956!

Did they not know that it was full of caffeine and would cause a mild diuresis, precipitating a loss of fluid?


So freakin' what!

(I love this stuff. I live on the diet version. The folks at the local KFC and Taco Bell know me by name.)

I remember the days of the "force fluid" orders.

How on earth are you supposed to "force fluids"?

You can facilitate, encourage, offer, nag, hassle, guilt trip and threaten a giant intravenous line.

But you can't "force" fluids . Unless it's diet Pepsi. And the patient is me.

hhhhhhhhhhhhh

Here is a personal story about the wonderful concoction known as diet Pepsi.

Which, if I don't have it, qualifies as an emergency, hence the relevancy to Emergiblog.

I once paid a visit to my doctor for a mild headache that had lasted four days.

Nothing would take it away. Not Tylenol. Not ibuprofen. I'd wake up with it. I'd go to bed with it. Four days was long enough. I made an appointment.

So I give, precisely and in detail the "history of present illness" to the physician's assistant.

I emphasize that it has nothing to do with caffeine withdrawl. I have a constant caffeine level.

"Really?", she replied. "What is it you drink?"

"Oh lordy!", I said. I have at 44 ounce diet Pepsi in my hands at all times and I drink at least 2-3 cups of coffee a day. I usually pour 5-6 cups, but work gets busy and I don't have time to drink it."

"Do you drink any water?", she inquired.

I thought long and hard about this obviously complicated question before answering.

"No."

Turns out that my headache was due to dehydration secondary to drinking nothing but caffeineated beverages.

Oh geeze.

Now I am an all-or-nothing type gal, so I decided to test this hypothesis by cutting diet Pepsi cold turkey. None. Nada. (I knew I had to keep the coffee or I would have caffeine withdrawl.)

I began drinking water.

Lots of water.

Bottles and bottles of water.

I drank so much water that I was personally responsible for the San Francisco Bay dropping two inches. Ships had to re-route so they wouldn't get stuck in the Golden Gate.

The headaches stopped.

For six weeks I denied myself the caramel-colored-aspartame-loaded liquid gold with the beautiful sound of tiny carbonated bubbles bursting in their carbonated way.

I re-introduced the diet Pepsi slowly.

I now allow myself one large fountain diet Pepsi per day or one 20 oz bottle if I am at home.

I still drink water, but the shipping forcast for the Pacific region has returned to normal.

But, you ask, why not diet-caffeine-free Pepsi?

It tastes like Robitussin.

Disclaimer: I am in no way employed by or compensated by Pepsi Co. or any of its affiliates. I am, however, open to offers.


7 Comments:

At 2/05/2006 12:48:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Charles said...

pepsi just overtook coke in terms of profits, but i think it's due to the fact that they diversified into energy bars and all sorts of stuff. i wondered who dropped the SF bay ,thanks

 
At 2/05/2006 04:34:00 PM, Anonymous Moof said...

*LOL* I have to try to stop laughing long enough to write this comment!

Now, I've never been able to "do" Pepsi ... *mumbles something unintelligible about coke* ...

... but I remember way back in the days of the dinosaurs - the "push fluids" era - that colas were often "administered" as an anti-emetic.

By the way ... dropping SF Bay isn't such a bad thing, since I keep reading that the oceans are rising because of global warming. Can't help but worry about you getting such extreme salt intake though ... ;-)

 
At 2/05/2006 06:59:00 PM, Blogger kenju said...

Kim, you are so funny! I think Pepsi tastes like perfume. I'm a Coke gal through and through, and diet, caffeine-free coke tastes just like the real thing.

 
At 2/05/2006 07:03:00 PM, Blogger PaedsRN said...

Hides large bottle of non-diet Coke behind back and whistles nonchalantly...

I have no idea what you're talking about. Ahem.

 
At 2/05/2006 07:25:00 PM, Anonymous difficult patient said...

Hmmmmm, I'm a Coke person myself, but I'll take a Vente Caramel Macchiato over anything . . . ;o)

 
At 2/06/2006 12:39:00 PM, Blogger Bardiac said...

Hah! Lowering the level of the Bay just cracked me up. I'd have thought you were messing with Hetch Hetchy, but you know best!

 
At 2/06/2006 11:49:00 PM, Blogger Jo said...

Sorry, I'm a coke girl myself...can't relate. :P

(We southereners ain't gonna drink no cotten pickin yankee pepsi)

 

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